Wednesday, October 28, 2009

letters from the battlefront

my troops are admirable.
obviously, as i'm not writing this from the brig.

but lately i've been thinking of battles.
head to head.
toe to toe.
dude, was i this hard to break?

i've noticed battle intensity is connected with patience. my patience. because the troops never change. same personalities. everyday.
so it has to be patience that's making the difference on most fronts.

after eight years of parenting,
you'd think i'd have a battle plan.
as the four-star general, so to speak.
i'm getting there.

i'm taking the "lose the battle, win the war"
attitude with some conflicts.
it could sound defeatist to some,
but i prefer the term - laid back.

some of the battles i'm thinking of "losing"...

defcon five - g's freaking LOUD voice. kind of cute after school when he's telling me about his day, not so cute at 6am. i have shushed, pretended his ear is a volume control, flat out said, "you are screaming, bud." over and over and over. not working. does this really matter? really? no, let it go. let him be who he is. loud and proud. (k is shaping up to be even louder, must conserve energy)

defcon four - running. do new recruits have to run everywhere? absolutely. no matter what, they just have to run. so besides not running on the stairs, with a toothbrush, machine gun, or scissors, i've got to let this one go as well. should save 2-3 rants a day, at least.

defcon three - clothes. ah, clothes. the "omg, you don't seriously want to wear that?" battle. i've tried to be tactful, tried redirecting, distraction tactics. but when they get something in their little heads, it's over. and mm is no better at outfit assembly than the troops. so really, i just have to wave the white flag on this one. shopping with cinderella or recruits in swimsuits/snow boots can actually be kind of fun. entertaining, even.

defcon two - food/could you please just sit still for five seconds? this one is sticky. i can remember sitting at the table until i finished (fill-in-the-blank) for what seemed like eons. i don't appear to be affected by this, as i will eat pretty much anything. except oatmeal, raisins, and oatmeal with raisins - yes i'm talking to you, mother. the problem for our troops is they can't sit still to save their lives. it is borderline ridiculous. like a not-so-nice evening game of whiny musical chairs. and the battle is multi-faceted in the sense that the leaders are in conflict on how to proceed. delightful. we seem to be at a standstill on this one. i'd like to let something go, but i'm not sure what, or how. dinner is definitely touchy territory.

defcon one - clutter. the "you little noobs are destroying our base!" battle. i don't honestly think on most rational days that they are flithin' it up just to annoy me. most days. other days i suspect mutiny. they create mounds of dirty dishes, dirty clothes, dirty bodies. they use the bathroom 42 seconds after i clean it. and i mean like a giant #2 in the sparkly clean toilet. grr. they use towels with reckless abandon. crumbs fall like bombs 24/7. they spill, we scrub, they spill. it is exhausting. something's got to give, but i'm too afraid to let it go, we could be condemned. seriously.

what battles are raging in your sector?
are you ready to wave the white flag?


Aaron Bias said...

My little soldier is also loud and proud. I get very tired of "Shh! The baby's sleeping.", "Don't wake up the baby!", and ultimately "SHUT UP!- The Baby!". Also, when he's bored, he yammers to himself. LOUDLY.

Counter-Insurgency: I fight a never-ending battle to protect what's left of our couch from being hastened to it's imminent demise.

Commando Tactics: Ethan has got it into his head that it's cool to sneak up and yell "Boo!". However, his stealth skills leave a lot to be desired, so I am seldom surprised.

Recognition: Ever since the baby, Ethan has been desperate for attention. This means he will begin singing/shouting in public whenever an audience approaches. This includes the Drive-thru at McD's.

My patience is worn thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. And the baby is working on walking. I find it best to redirect Ethan's energy, but even that can take some repetition and possibly shouting. :P

pajama mom said...


k, who has a considerable vocabulary, likes to stick her thumb in her mouth and say, "goo-goo" or "wah-wah" whenever she gets a public audience.

charming. not.

pajama mom said...

p.s. you should start a dad blog. seriously.

Aaron Bias said...

I've thought about it, but the comics blog takes up a lot of my time and energy. Time and Energy I should be devoting to my wife and kids. *sigh* not enough hours in a day. I barely have time to shop for toys.

Spectergirl said...

You forgot to mention that when you don't pretend his "BOO!" frightened you he throws an enormous fit.

Aaron Bias said...

Yes, and also, if I scare him, I'm being mean.

One Sided Momma said...

we have largely the same battles going on in this here barracks. i'm afraid you're right in that it all depends on the demeanor/patience of the the leader and this is where my troops suffer. their leader is gung-ho and sound until 3pm and then things crumble around us: literally children, dog, mother writhing around in their foxholes with fingers in their ears until reinforcement arrives. god bless us all, may we make it out alive.