pre-lit, sh*t!

not all men like to decorate trees. it's sad, but true. there are men who can artfully wind lights onto a tree (like my dad) and men who just can't* (like mm) - this is disappointing. but after a few years of the whole "i can change a man" thing, i gave up. he's just not a light guy. it's cool. for 11 months each year, anyway.

enter our tree. it is really pretty. we bought it at lazarus/macy's half price ten years ago. and it was still expensive. but totally worth it because it was pre-lit. (and i had a job, yo!) 1,000+ little white lights all perfectly placed on each branch.

get it out of the box, "fluff" the branches, plug it in. genius.

a few years later one of the rows burned out. we called the company, they sent us a whole new row for $12! still genius.

last year, three rows burned out. we called the company. no longer in business. we ignored the burned out lights and hung the ornaments anyway. classy.

this year, i had a beyond brilliant idea. simply take all the lights off the tree and put new ones on. i know, i'm a thinker. so we got to work. the kids sat with eager anticipation and ornaments in hand. "is it time yet?" - "how 'bout now?" - "how 'bout now?" - etc.

let me just say for the record that whoever (whomever?) wraps the lights around the branches of a tree to make it pre-lit, does not make nearly enough money. i'm sure of it. in fact, i can't even fathom an amount of money someone could offer me that would make me think wrapping lights would be a good career move.
and i'm a stay at home mom, bu-dum-dum.

we spent hours, yes hours, unwinding, cutting, snipping, ripping, and cussing the little white lights on our tree. they are double (sometimes triple) wrapped around every shoot/bud/leaf of every branch. then, clamped with little tie-wraps. our fingers were scratched up from the fake needles. about 4 hours in, we just wanted to buy a new tree. we didn't care how much it cost. after another 2 hours, we were finished.

except - we still had to put new lights onto the now naked tree! by we, of course, i mean mm. remember, he's not a light guy. yeah. he was a trooper though, he got in there and made it happen. it looked halfway decent, until about 10 inches from the top, when he ran out of lights. i just smiled and said it looked fine, he knew i was fibbing, but neither of us had the energy to discuss it further. we were exhausted.

so that's how it stands at the moment.
anyone know a light guy?
or maybe i should become a light lady?
even better.

*editor's note - mm asked me to point out that "can't" could be replaced with "don't enjoy" - point taken. agreed.