dear lady at the movies

dear lady at the movies,

thanks for bringing your four-year-old to the nine o'clock showing of new moon. although you had your choice of at least 100 other seats, you sat right next to me with said child on your lap. explaining each scene!

hello - trying to have a date night here. team edward!

then as we are leaving, you (loudly) make sure your kid's coat is zipped because clearly that's important when leaving the mall at midnight after watching werewolves and vampires for three hours.

i'm really trying not to judge, because obviously i haven't walked in your shoes, but omg, please at least try the matinee next time.

xo,
pj

p.s. mm has chosen team jacob, must re-evaluate him.

i am thankful

guest blogger - g.

i am thankful for mom and dad and starcraft.
and stars and me and pie and food.
and gramuthr and pets and the moon.
and fun and papa and nubers. (neighbors)
and phones and CANDY and tv and starfish.
and green and boxs and books and k...
and madellen and frins. (friends)
and toys and plum and paint and pictures.

happy thanksgiving everyone!

dream interpretation

i had this dream.
mm bought a new shower curtain.
liner.
took the old one down.
hung the new one up.
the end.

???

steeler sunday

here in the 'burgh, we buffalo fans share a little secret
with all the other non-steeler fans.
when the steeler game is on,
there is NO ONE out.
NOT A SOUL.

except buffalo fans,
a couple of new england fans,
oh - and your occasional
dolphin fan.

it seriously looks like a ghost town around here.

an excellent time for grocery shopping, restaurants, etc.
shh! don't tell anyone!

so we took the kids bowling for their report cards.
(straight A's, baby! yeah, i'm bragging!)
during the steeler game.
there was hardly anyone there.
we had a terrific time, <---- did i just type that?
then headed over to primanti's for a late lunch.

primanti's is really a post of its own, but i'll just say it now,
they put french fries ON your sandwich.
oh. yes. they. do.

the steeler game was on all the tvs, but the usually packed restaurant was about half full. no wait. we ordered, colored, talked, it was really fun. <---- did i just type that?

about halfway through our meal, m and g look at us and ask,
"are the steelers playing today?"

mm and i look at each other, thinking,
"are they serious?"

we explain,
"yes, there's a game today, did you notice - everyone is wearing their steeler clothes?"

they think about it, conference, then say,
"yeah, but people wear their steeler clothes EVERYDAY here."

them youngins got a point there.
touche.
did i mention straight A's?

ok - i get it now

(my baby brother has this poem framed somewhere.
i never really got what the big deal was - sheesh!)

to my baby

i've always loved you best because while endings are generally sad, you are such a joy!

you readily accepted the mild-stained bibs, the lower bunk, the cracked baseball bat, the baby book that had nothing written in it except a recipe for graham-cracker piecrust that someone had jammed between the pages.

you are the one we held on to so tightly.

you darken our hair, quicken our steps, square our shoulders, restore our vision, and give us a sense of humor that security, maturity, and durability can't provide.

when your hairline takes on the shape of lake erie and your own children tower over you, you will still be our baby!

so - anyway, ok - i get it now.
happy fourth b-day baby k.

doo doo cupcakes

chocolate birthday cake mix: $1.25
chocolate birthday frosting: $1.50





time spent baking 24 birthday cupcakes,
6 at a time because you only have one pan,
and that pan was borrowed from your neighbor,
because your pans were used for kid paint and got rusty:
72 minutes

time spent frosting birthday cupcakes:
10 minutes

having your husband and children giggle
and say they look like little piles of doo-doo:
price-oh-yes-they-did-less.

where the #@$% is build-a-bear? (part three)

well, well, well.
it seems i have found you.
at last.




not in the couch.
not in the toyroom.

but where i least expected you to show your face.
wal-mart.
pretty sneaky.

a bargain at only $19.82.
just in time for k's b-day.
and ya'll thought i was crazy.

haircut

k's hair was all one length, cut at her jawline. with bangs. now that her bangs are growing out, she got the back stacked, then the sides slope down to her chin. very cute. very k.

she gets in the car after school - first day back with her new haircut.

"did mrs. s and mrs. h like your hair?" i ask.
"yep, they asked me where i got it cut." she says.
"what did you say?" i wonder out loud.
(thinking she will not know the name of the place)

"well, at the hair-cuttin'-place, duh!" she tells me, annoyed.

i stand corrected.
duh.

the kommandant's girl

you should probably
clear your schedule.

or just ignore everyone,
like i did.

thanks ann!

the f***ing fours

when m was a baby we joined a playgroup. every week the kids played and the moms talked. about kid things. about grown-up things. current events. husbands. it was a welcome event in our week. for almost 5 years. until our firstborns went to school and we all scattered in the different directions of soccer, music, art, etc. we do still see each other at an occasional moms' night. it is always fun to catch up on what our "babies" are doing now.

one memorable conversation was about the terrible twos. m had just turned two, so i was only half listening. plus, g was nursing every 1.5 hours, so i probably wouldn't have noticed any terrible behavior anyway. i was exhausted. but it's more likely because m is just m. easy to reason with. easy to distract. thrives with choices, even if it's a choice between corn or peas. she was far from terrible.

the next part of the conversation peaked my interest. the trying threes. "two is nothing." the seasoned moms told us. "just wait for three." this made me a little nervous. but again, we have m. maybe some issues, but not overly trying. and g. sweet g. besides a quick temper, he will follow rules to a t. if only to show m he can, better than her.

then, the last part. the kicker. "after that, is the fabulous fours." a mom said. doesn't that sound wonderful?

"fabulous fours?!?" my friend g laughed, "my sil calls them the f***ing fours."

woah. certainly not at my house. seriously? people think that? about their children? i chuckled. i dismissed it, went home, and didn't think about it again.

then i had k. oh - we had some terrible two moments. and the trying threes are here. in my house as we speak. and folks, i don't mean to alarm you, but she is turning four in a week. a week!

i cannot stop thinking about my friend's sil. and i am not chuckling anymore. i am terrified. completely terrified.

the sock anniversary

when i was 18, i met a boy.
he was tall.
handsome.
funny.
wicked smart.
the combination
knocked my socks off.
my white scrunched-down ked socks.

when i was 19, i went on a date with a guy.
we talked.
laughed.
more dates.
he kissed me.
the combination
knocked my socks off.
my fuzzy tye-dyed birkenstock socks.

when i was 22, i married a man.
he promised me the moon.
the stars.
the sun.
the combination
knocked my socks off.
my perfectly-matched-to-my-sweater socks.

when i was 29, i had a baby with a husband.
he held her all day.
loved her more than he ever thought possible.
stared at her for hours.
the combination
knocked my socks off.
my green hospital slipper socks.

when i was 31 i had a baby.
a son.
when i was 33 i had a baby.
a daughter.
with a seasoned pro.
he builds pillow forts.
tells tall tales.
leads meetings of the secret flashlight club.
he is, hands down, the corniest person i know.
the combination
knocks my socks off.
daily.
my black adidas running socks.

when i am 100, i want a geezer.
he will sit beside me.
travel with me.
rock our grandchildren.
and guitar hero.
and promise me the moon.
the stars.
the sun.
the combination
will knock my socks off.
i just know it.
my knee-high old lady socks.

a 15th wedding anniversary,
in my opinion, should not be crystal.

it should be socks.
the sock anniversary.

'cause at this rate,
i'm gonna need some new ones.
grey puma, please.

tubby song

live - from our tub - last night...
g singing, quite well i might add,
"god is great, beer is good, and people are crazy."

wth?
daddy.
no, really, thanks mm.

and let's not even mention what a huge yankee mm is...
my southern-ish roots are rubbing off on him yet.

the force is strong with this one

since halloween, every morning, k and i have this conversation,

"can i have three pieces of candy?"
"did you finish your breakfast?"
"yes."
"you may have one piece."
"how about two?"
"how about none?"
"ok, one."
"good choice."

this has gone on for a while now, because let's be honest, it was happening even before halloween. i just like to blame it on halloween so i'll look more normal. true story.

after a few days of this, i felt i was in full control of the candy.
and, subsequently, the three-year-old.
then, day four.

"can i have three pieces of candy?"
"did you finish your breakfast?"
"yes."
"you may have one piece."
"ok."

well, that was easy. dude, i'm good. then she comes down the hallway with her stash. she is holding a full-size hershey bar.
full-size.
she proceeds to open it and eat the whole thing.

"that's a lot of chocolate."
"you said one piece."
"yes, i sure did."

and the student has become the master.
well played, young padawan.

bumper sticker

bumper sticker sighting...

i am a bitch.
just not yours.

really, we actually made a decision?

after talking it over - 5,442 times,
we have decided to get the kids
vaccinated for h1n1.

so now, of course,
we can't find any vaccines.
anywhere.
we are on two lists.
one at the doctor's office.
and one at the school.

so frustrating.
grr.

guess the ocd, part one

m is an avid reader.
just like me.

she has read almost all the
magic tree house books.
twice.

junie b. jones series.
thrice.

judy moody, clementine, ivy & bean.
too many times to count.

it is time to move on.
so i got out my favorites.
that i have kept.
for her to read.
i'm like that.

a partial list of my
favorite books
from childhood...

anne of green gables
emily of new moon
pippi longstocking
tom sawyer
the secret garden
a little princess
jane eyre

and as a grownup...
harry potter
eve dallas series

can you guess the ocd*?
i might need some therapy.

*fixation?

hobby lobby

you.
must.
go.
now.

the witch and the warlock

the witch was aflutter.
she had received an invitation.
to a spooky, witchy party.
a hallowedding.

she started brewing a plan.
the whole coven would attend.
in their finest witchy clothes.

it wasn't easy to get away.
the clown, the knight, and little red,
would miss trick or treat.

miss trick or treat?
the warlock mused.
not possible.

the witch and the warlock schemed.
42 possible scenarios.
all complicated.
all missing trick or treat.
not possible.
they decided together.

a few days later,
the warlock conjectured,
why not go it alone?

interesting.
the witch thought about it.
leaving the coven.
for a whole weekend.
how glorious and terrifying!
leave the clown, the knight, and little red?
and the warlock?
for trick or treat?
no, not possible.

more time passed.
eons it seemed.
the witch realized,
she wanted to go.
alone.
but was afraid to say so.
out loud.

she was worried.
worried the warlock,
the shy clown,
the brave knight,
the fearless little red,
might have... fun.
without her.
not possible.
unacceptable.

but why shouldn't they?
have fun?
together?
surely they would miss her.
a little?
but what if they didn't?

in the end it was decided,
she would go.
alone.
she packed up her witchy dress,
her witchy shoes,
her witchy beauty spells.
she loaded up her broom,
kissed the warlock goodbye.
and the clown.
and the knight.
and little red.

they waved,
they cried!
as she flew away
she cried too.

then she cackled loudly
and turned up her witchy music
and sang.
all the way to her hometown.

her parents were there to greet her.
but with no clown, knight, little red,
or warlock,
it was boring.
eerily quiet.
they slept in.
they shopped.
they ate at restaurants.
but it wasn't the same.

they donned their finest
witchy clothes.
and attended the finest
witchy wedding in history.
truly perfect.

then the witch slept some more.
forever it seemed.
recharged,
it was time to head home.

she was sad to leave.
and excited to go.
she loaded her broom,
and started her journey.

when she arrived,
the gorgeous clown,
the smart knight,
and the freaking crazy little red,
screamed and cheered.
hugged and kissed.
and talked nonstop.
just like old times.

the warlock was tired,
he had done an amazing job.

they did miss the witch!
even the warlock missed her!
what a lucky witch!

and they all lived
happily ever after,
until this morning.
when the spell wore off,
and everything returned
to normal.
dang.