sweating the small stuff

have you ever been so busy
worrying about day to day junk,
that you don't even notice that
someone close to you is hurting?

you sit in your house
thinking about how your kids
don't eat enough vegetables,
and should drink more water,
and how are they doing in school,
which is elementary school for goodness sake,
when suddenly you realize that it's all
small potatoes.

ridiculously small potatoes,
that you couldn't even make into
a decent soup.

and you realize that this other person,
this person close to you,
may have needed a shoulder,
may have tried to talk to you,
and you probably said something dumb
about how much laundry you had to do.
or how stressed out you are about
nothing in particular.

and there probably isn't anything you could have done,
but man, you could have listened better.
read the neon signs.
been more aware.
been more, well, just there.

how did you fix it?
no reason.

the game of life

schooled in the game of life...

m chose a career.
i chose college.
i'll show her.

i finished college.
graduated with $125,000 debt.
had to buy $5,000 worth of books.
became a doctor.
i'll show her.

while i was in college,
m became a pro athlete!?!
she collected two paydays,
got married,
no debt.
wth?

i got married,
had twin girls,
paid taxes.
i got sued for $100,000 -
twice.
lost my job.
became a lawyer.
ha - i'll show her.

m bought a double wide,
and an rv.
i bought a modest victorian.
we both got raises.
i got sued for $100,000 -
twice.

i bought some art,
$20,000.
sent two kids to college,
$50,000 -
per kid.
hired a butler/maid service,
$65,000.
retired, received some money
from the twins as a present.
not nearly enough after all i've done for them!
paid my college debt.
finished the game with a little over a million dollars.
i'll show her.

m retired,
finished the game with 2.5 million dollars.
schooled.

well played, game of life,
well played.

mystery product

discovered at the bottom of our christmas mess.
sure wish i knew which "product"...

wordless wednesday





a day off

everyone needs a day off.
every now and then.
yesterday was mine.

mm got the kids ready for school.
i slept in.
he addressed the christmas cards.
i took a nap.
he made a trip to the post office,
took k to lunch,
made dinner for the kids,
drove m to gymnastics
and g to basketball.
i relaxed.

it was a fine day off.
well, aside from the violent
puking every few hours,
obviously.

draft #5 - w.w.d.d.

as i move closer to 500 posts,
i thought i'd look through my drafts
and see what didn't make it to the
"publish" stage.

yes, i watch that show.
the couple
with the forty bajillion kids.
and i love it.

i particularly love the mom.
her voice never wavers.
she never yells.
it is amazing.

sometimes when i'm having
a crazy moment,
i think to myself,
"what would duggar do?"

this is as far as i got.
i envisioned a multiple choice quiz.
but seriously,
w.w.d.d.???

draft #4 - nervous breakdown

as i move closer to 500 posts,
i thought i'd look through my drafts
and see what didn't make it to the
"publish" stage.

i don't know why i didn't publish this one.
i think it's because i couldn't get the wording right.

i was talking with my maw-maw,
who had six children.
she was asking about our kids,
and i was telling her all the crazy stuff
that happens around here,
sometimes all in a span of five minutes.
it is non-stop.

i told her i didn't know how
she managed with six.
i have always respected her for this,
and even more so now that i have three.

she laughed, a really good laugh, and said,
"oh lord, you know this one time
i had a breakdown and
ended up in the nervous hospital,
i had to take pills and everything!"

then she said, with a far-away look,
"they sure don't stay little long at all."

it was such a revealing moment.
it made me respect her even more if that's possible.
i appreciated her honesty.
it made me feel better about my crazy life.
and i really wanted to know if there are still
nervous hospitals.
sign me up.

draft #3 - her cavalier

as i move closer to 500 posts,
i thought i'd look through my drafts
and see what didn't make it to the
"publish" stage.

last year about this time,
m and i went to see the nutcracker -
in pittsburgh with the girl scouts.
we even got a back stage tour,
and i wondered why i ever gave up ballet.
then i remembered that i like to talk.
a lot.
way too much for ballet.

anyway, when i got home i wrote a post.
about the sugar plum fairy
and her cavalier.

how he stands behind her,
lifts her up,
makes her look fabulous,
when, in fact, he may actually
be the better dancer.
but he lets her shine.

this was analogy about me
and mm.

it is quite possibly
the cheesiest post ever
written.
i can't even believe i wrote it.
so it will remain unpublished.
forever.
the end.

draft #2 - the one with the pee

as i move closer to 500 posts,
i thought i'd look through my drafts
and see what didn't make it to the
"publish" stage.

this is one that i actually did publish.
for a few hours.
at the time,
i probably had about two readers total,
and uh, still do.

i won't repost it here,
but it was basically a post about how tired
i was of cleaning pee from around the bottom
of the toilet.
oh, and the back of the toilet,
the wall, and the baseboards.
from g missing his mark,
every.single.freaking.time.

it made me crazy,
super crazy.
almost two years later,
i am still saying,
"g, go to the bathroom,
pee into the water.
focus. 
use the force, g."

it is much better these days.
thankfully the whole thing
was just a phase.

mm has never said much about my blog.
but he did not like this post at all.
so i removed it.
but when i read it,
i still think it's pretty funny.

draft #1 - painted horses

as i move closer to 500 posts,
i thought i'd look through my drafts
and see what didn't make it to the
"publish" stage.

the first one i found is from long ago...
i had almost forgotten what i meant to write.
there was a title, a bit of text.

our family spent the day with the dinosaurs
at the museum of natural history in pittsburgh.
it was a great day.

there was a special exhibit of horses upstairs,
and outside the exhibit was a table
with a horsey craft.
color the horse,
then make it into a puppet.

the kids got to work.
then it happened.

m colored her horse -
brown.
all those markers in front of her!
the choices!  the possibilities!
and my rainbow, glitter, ever-colorful child,
picked brown.

"brown?"
"yes mommy, horses are brown,"

"what about pink? or purple? or polka-dots?"
"no, brown, mrs. said horses are brown."

"but your horse can be whatever color you imagine it to be."
"brown, mommy."

it was such a small moment.
but it was so sad to me.
it's probably why i didn't post it.
she was growing up.
i never wanted to homeschool more in my life.

sunday confession

how come when no one is sick,
i'm all,

"do you need a tissue?"
"here - a tissue!"
"gah!  please use a tissue!"
"GO.GET.A.TISSUE.NOW."

and then when someone is sick,
i'm all,

"jeez!  how many tissues do you need?"
"stop with the tissues!"
"seriously!  these things cost like a dollar a box!"
"DUDE.NO.MORE.TISSUES."

i think i have tissue issues.

what's your sunday confession?
the confessional is open.

to knit or not to knit

i bought this sweater for 25 cents
at a woman's club rummage sale
in west virginia.

yes, a quarter.
because i happen to know the president.
(of the club)

i brought it home and washed it.
twice.

now, what to do?
i originally thought i'd take it apart
and make something else.

what do ya'll think?
anyone need a scarf?
or a snuggie?