Monday, June 16, 2008

swiffer man

a couple of years ago, when k was a tiny baby, my mother-in-law sent me an entry form for "mr. good housekeeping." as most of you know, mm does a LOT around here. so i worked on my essay and sent it in...

i got a call that he was in the top five. could we come to nyc for father's day? of course! they would keep us posted. unfortunately, we didn't win, which was kind of okay with mm, because he didn't want to be on national television running a vacuum cleaner anyway. i personally wanted the prizes which included a plasma tv and a fancy-smancy washer and dryer, among other goodies.

on father's day i always think of my essay, and how much work he really does around here.

for your review... although i don't think i technically own the rights to it anymore.

Superhero Profile

SwifferMan – No floor can escape his awesome strength. No surface is safe from his brawn. Hardwood, tile, or carpet – dirt cannot hide from his invincible cleaning power. Scours, polishes, buffs with super-human style.

Real Name – M M
Occupation – Network Engineer, Grime-Fighter
Fortress – Pittsburgh

Height – 6’2”
Weight – 200
Eyes – Green
Hair – Blonde

Special Abilities – Though legendary for floors, to typecast would be gravely underestimating his true genius. Able to put away mountains of laundry in a single evening, able to grocery shop with two spawn and coupons, and able to bathe three spawn with barely a dribble spilled out of the tub. Never met a dishwasher that didn’t need emptied.

Weapons – Weapon of choice is his SwifferMax. Other expert weapon proficiencies – vacuums, brooms, disinfecting wipes, bathroom sanitizers. Secretly developing a mini-legion completely versed in all his cleansing methods.

Nemesis – LaundryQueen. Seen heaping clean laundry on bed hoping SwifferMan will sort and put away before retiring. Carves out her own spot, leaving rest of bed covered. Previously perturbed by SwifferMan’s aid – now skilled in covertly increasing his workload…

Allies – Mother-in-Law, “Let him clean!”
Nemesis’ friends, “Wish we had husbands like that!”

Summary – Can you love a husband more with the vacuum cord dangling over his shoulder? (To keep it from getting shredded) A man who makes a challenge each week to save more with coupons? ($15 personal best) A man who knows that two small Swiffer sheets equals one SwifferMax sheet? (In an emergency)


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