sugar baby

we are home from k's halloween party.

so far k has eaten...
a pumpkin sugar cookie
juice bag
two packs of fruit snacks
m&ms
sugar daddy lollipop

it isn't even lunchtime.
she's just getting warmed up.

another parade tomorrow.
then trick or treat.
and so it begins...

i am so proud.

letters from the battlefront

my troops are admirable.
obviously, as i'm not writing this from the brig.

but lately i've been thinking of battles.
head to head.
toe to toe.
dude, was i this hard to break?

i've noticed battle intensity is connected with patience. my patience. because the troops never change. same personalities. everyday.
so it has to be patience that's making the difference on most fronts.

after eight years of parenting,
you'd think i'd have a battle plan.
as the four-star general, so to speak.
i'm getting there.

i'm taking the "lose the battle, win the war"
attitude with some conflicts.
it could sound defeatist to some,
but i prefer the term - laid back.

some of the battles i'm thinking of "losing"...

defcon five - g's freaking LOUD voice. kind of cute after school when he's telling me about his day, not so cute at 6am. i have shushed, pretended his ear is a volume control, flat out said, "you are screaming, bud." over and over and over. not working. does this really matter? really? no, let it go. let him be who he is. loud and proud. (k is shaping up to be even louder, must conserve energy)

defcon four - running. do new recruits have to run everywhere? absolutely. no matter what, they just have to run. so besides not running on the stairs, with a toothbrush, machine gun, or scissors, i've got to let this one go as well. should save 2-3 rants a day, at least.

defcon three - clothes. ah, clothes. the "omg, you don't seriously want to wear that?" battle. i've tried to be tactful, tried redirecting, distraction tactics. but when they get something in their little heads, it's over. and mm is no better at outfit assembly than the troops. so really, i just have to wave the white flag on this one. shopping with cinderella or recruits in swimsuits/snow boots can actually be kind of fun. entertaining, even.

defcon two - food/could you please just sit still for five seconds? this one is sticky. i can remember sitting at the table until i finished (fill-in-the-blank) for what seemed like eons. i don't appear to be affected by this, as i will eat pretty much anything. except oatmeal, raisins, and oatmeal with raisins - yes i'm talking to you, mother. the problem for our troops is they can't sit still to save their lives. it is borderline ridiculous. like a not-so-nice evening game of whiny musical chairs. and the battle is multi-faceted in the sense that the leaders are in conflict on how to proceed. delightful. we seem to be at a standstill on this one. i'd like to let something go, but i'm not sure what, or how. dinner is definitely touchy territory.

defcon one - clutter. the "you little noobs are destroying our base!" battle. i don't honestly think on most rational days that they are flithin' it up just to annoy me. most days. other days i suspect mutiny. they create mounds of dirty dishes, dirty clothes, dirty bodies. they use the bathroom 42 seconds after i clean it. and i mean like a giant #2 in the sparkly clean toilet. grr. they use towels with reckless abandon. crumbs fall like bombs 24/7. they spill, we scrub, they spill. it is exhausting. something's got to give, but i'm too afraid to let it go, we could be condemned. seriously.

what battles are raging in your sector?
are you ready to wave the white flag?

carving pumpkins with my kids, husband, and pms

don't ya just hate it when
the title gives everything away?

(zerg, evil eye, wubbzy, and patrick)

lysol lady

when i was in high school, i had this friend.
his mom sprayed everything with lysol.
e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.
the lysol lady.

we thought it was most hilarious.
jokes flourished.

mm just bought our first can of lysol.
expensive little bugger.
kills h1n1.
and lots of other germies.
i am spraying everything.
e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.
until spring.
i have gone lysol loco.

mrs. marilyn would be so proud.
call me lysol lady junior.
down with germs!

buffalo plaid

buffalo plaid?!?

i think i just got rid of mine last year.

no lie.

dang.

alcohol awareness

m and i were on our way home from gymnastics.
we like to catch up when it's just the two of us.
well, i like to catch up with her, anyway.

"did you know alcohol can affect your brain
and make you lose your balance?"

wha?
"yeah."

"and it can make your reaction time a lot slower."

where is this coming from?
"where'd ya learn all of these fun facts?"

"at school, in health."

i KNEW i should have home-schooled!
"that's cool."

"you and daddy drink alcohol."

sh*t!
"yeah, somtimes."

"that's what i told mrs. p."

SH*T!
"really?"

"yeah, i told her that daddy has a beer,
then a few weeks later has another.
she said that was o-kay."

hahahahahaha!
"oh good."

"how come he doesn't lose his balance?"

huh?
"oh, because he is so big, he'd probably have
to have more than one for it to affect him."

"what about you?"

crap.
"probably more than one."
well, like one and a half. but who's counting?

"mom?"
"yeah?"
"can i have cereal when we get home?"
"yeah."

the end.
good lord.

belly laugh

i have not had a belly laugh this good in a long while.
i am still crying laughing as i type this.
our children were born here.
all three of them.
lord help us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mobi0B0L37w

thanks hjm!