a couple of years ago, when k was a tiny baby, my mother-in-law sent me an entry form for "mr. good housekeeping." as most of you know, mm does a LOT around here. so i worked on my essay and sent it in...
i got a call that he was in the top five. could we come to nyc for father's day? of course! they would keep us posted. unfortunately, we didn't win, which was kind of okay with mm, because he didn't want to be on national television running a vacuum cleaner anyway. i personally wanted the prizes which included a plasma tv and a fancy-smancy washer and dryer, among other goodies.
on father's day i always think of my essay, and how much work he really does around here.
for your review... although i don't think i technically own the rights to it anymore.
Superhero Profile
SwifferMan – No floor can escape his awesome strength. No surface is safe from his brawn. Hardwood, tile, or carpet – dirt cannot hide from his invincible cleaning power. Scours, polishes, buffs with super-human style.
Real Name – M M
Occupation – Network Engineer, Grime-Fighter
Fortress – Pittsburgh
Height – 6’2”
Weight – 200
Eyes – Green
Hair – Blonde
Special Abilities – Though legendary for floors, to typecast would be gravely underestimating his true genius. Able to put away mountains of laundry in a single evening, able to grocery shop with two spawn and coupons, and able to bathe three spawn with barely a dribble spilled out of the tub. Never met a dishwasher that didn’t need emptied.
Weapons – Weapon of choice is his SwifferMax. Other expert weapon proficiencies – vacuums, brooms, disinfecting wipes, bathroom sanitizers. Secretly developing a mini-legion completely versed in all his cleansing methods.
Nemesis – LaundryQueen. Seen heaping clean laundry on bed hoping SwifferMan will sort and put away before retiring. Carves out her own spot, leaving rest of bed covered. Previously perturbed by SwifferMan’s aid – now skilled in covertly increasing his workload…
Allies – Mother-in-Law, “Let him clean!”
Nemesis’ friends, “Wish we had husbands like that!”
Summary – Can you love a husband more with the vacuum cord dangling over his shoulder? (To keep it from getting shredded) A man who makes a challenge each week to save more with coupons? ($15 personal best) A man who knows that two small Swiffer sheets equals one SwifferMax sheet? (In an emergency)
ABSOLUTELY!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
how clean is your house?
update from camp wv...
the kids are fighting, yes, throwing punches, over who gets to clean grandmother's kitchen floor!?! they are hitting each other with the dustpans and swiffer - trying to be the first to get the crumbs from under the table...
where am i? some parallel dimension?
p.s. pajama mom got some sweet new pajamas, no more hello kitty pants, i've moved on to polka-dots.
the kids are fighting, yes, throwing punches, over who gets to clean grandmother's kitchen floor!?! they are hitting each other with the dustpans and swiffer - trying to be the first to get the crumbs from under the table...
where am i? some parallel dimension?
p.s. pajama mom got some sweet new pajamas, no more hello kitty pants, i've moved on to polka-dots.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
head for the hills
school is out - all the kids are home - so what's a pajama mom to do?
head for the hills of course!
we are all at camp papa and grandmother's for the week...
head for the hills of course!
we are all at camp papa and grandmother's for the week...
Friday, June 6, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
blessed owie
i recently applied for some life insurance. i suppose if something ever happens to me, mm will have to hire some unattractive, old - man to help take care of the kids, right? at least this kind of places a value on all the crazy stuff i do all day...
the nurse stopped by to do my physical. i felt like the true hypochondriac i am as i explained all the times i've been to the doctor in the last 10 years. chest pains, gall bladder pains, ultrasounds, stress tests, 3 kids, etc. it actually got kind of humorous after a while.
by this time we were exchanging stories about our lives. she has 3 boys, and a sixteen year old granddaughter. she told a story about living with her husband on a military base and having to wash all the cloth diapers and other laundry in her bathtub! i could tell she would have no sympathy for me and my pull-up in the washer story. which i did again yesterday. ugh.
it came time for the blood test. first she told me my veins were very thin. then she checked each arm several times. then she picked one that she said was shaped like a y. this did not give me much confidence. but she pulled it off, and soon she was collecting blood. then - i knew i was in pittsburgh when she said the next sentence,
"i blessed your arm before i jaggered you."
i have a large purple bump, but at least i only got stuck once. and my arm is blessed. so i should expect great things from myself today.
** weekly green update ** i got new facial cleanser and moisturizer. it is actually less expensive than the department store brand i was buying before. it smells really earthy, which i didn't think i would like, but i do. my new deodorant seems to be linked to my complexion, which looks better than it has in years. very weird. i also bought a pair of - bamboo pants! so soft. this week i am going to look at soap and lotion. and an eco shower curtain. it's a good thing i love to shop...
the nurse stopped by to do my physical. i felt like the true hypochondriac i am as i explained all the times i've been to the doctor in the last 10 years. chest pains, gall bladder pains, ultrasounds, stress tests, 3 kids, etc. it actually got kind of humorous after a while.
by this time we were exchanging stories about our lives. she has 3 boys, and a sixteen year old granddaughter. she told a story about living with her husband on a military base and having to wash all the cloth diapers and other laundry in her bathtub! i could tell she would have no sympathy for me and my pull-up in the washer story. which i did again yesterday. ugh.
it came time for the blood test. first she told me my veins were very thin. then she checked each arm several times. then she picked one that she said was shaped like a y. this did not give me much confidence. but she pulled it off, and soon she was collecting blood. then - i knew i was in pittsburgh when she said the next sentence,
"i blessed your arm before i jaggered you."
i have a large purple bump, but at least i only got stuck once. and my arm is blessed. so i should expect great things from myself today.
** weekly green update ** i got new facial cleanser and moisturizer. it is actually less expensive than the department store brand i was buying before. it smells really earthy, which i didn't think i would like, but i do. my new deodorant seems to be linked to my complexion, which looks better than it has in years. very weird. i also bought a pair of - bamboo pants! so soft. this week i am going to look at soap and lotion. and an eco shower curtain. it's a good thing i love to shop...
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
strep butt
a trip to the pediatrician is always blog worthy. (un)fortunately, i haven't been there in a while. until today.
if you are a parent with little kids, poop stories are funny.
when we didn't have kids we would listen to friends tell these exaggerated (or so we thought) tales about giant blow-outs and the like. we would look at each other with these grossed-out faces, thinking our friends were cuckoo.
now we proudly tell our wal-mart parking lot blow-out story with pride... but i digress...
pediatrician's office:
- we arrive, sign in, i tell the nurse k is having "poop issues".
- kids touch every toy and get cozy with a new friend who has the croup.
- called back for k's weight check. g asks a million questions. nurse gets annoyed.
- stuck in THAT LITTLE ROOM... i swear they have cameras in there and are in the hall watching me lose what's left of my patience.
- kids climb up on the table, jump down, repeat. paper on the table crinkles, a lot.
- since k hasn't pooped in a while, she decides now would be good.
- even though i have a bag of snacks, stickers, crayons, kids just want to crawl on the dirty floor.
- doctor comes in. g asks a million questions. doctor gets annoyed.
- doctor takes one look at k's cute bum, and says, "looks like strep."
???????????
now, i had two kids with me, so i couldn't hear too much with the constant badgering, "mommy, i'm hungry, i'm thirsty, i want chocolate, i want gum, i want sprite." in front of the doctor they like to ask for things they know they won't get... i mean, at least not at 10am, duh! i think they like to see my facial expressions...
i ask, "you mean like strep throat?"
"yes."
so we have a prescription and are home safe, strep butt and all.
i think i need a drink.
if you are a parent with little kids, poop stories are funny.
when we didn't have kids we would listen to friends tell these exaggerated (or so we thought) tales about giant blow-outs and the like. we would look at each other with these grossed-out faces, thinking our friends were cuckoo.
now we proudly tell our wal-mart parking lot blow-out story with pride... but i digress...
pediatrician's office:
- we arrive, sign in, i tell the nurse k is having "poop issues".
- kids touch every toy and get cozy with a new friend who has the croup.
- called back for k's weight check. g asks a million questions. nurse gets annoyed.
- stuck in THAT LITTLE ROOM... i swear they have cameras in there and are in the hall watching me lose what's left of my patience.
- kids climb up on the table, jump down, repeat. paper on the table crinkles, a lot.
- since k hasn't pooped in a while, she decides now would be good.
- even though i have a bag of snacks, stickers, crayons, kids just want to crawl on the dirty floor.
- doctor comes in. g asks a million questions. doctor gets annoyed.
- doctor takes one look at k's cute bum, and says, "looks like strep."
???????????
now, i had two kids with me, so i couldn't hear too much with the constant badgering, "mommy, i'm hungry, i'm thirsty, i want chocolate, i want gum, i want sprite." in front of the doctor they like to ask for things they know they won't get... i mean, at least not at 10am, duh! i think they like to see my facial expressions...
i ask, "you mean like strep throat?"
"yes."
so we have a prescription and are home safe, strep butt and all.
i think i need a drink.
Monday, June 2, 2008
(a)musing morning
this morning amidst the usual chaos, g says,
"mom, i'm starting to like this life."
how cute, thoughtful, insightful, clever, lovely, etc.
then...
"except, you don't buy me the things that i want."
and there you have it.
"mom, i'm starting to like this life."
how cute, thoughtful, insightful, clever, lovely, etc.
then...
"except, you don't buy me the things that i want."
and there you have it.
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